My problem is success but not for the reasons you (rightly) give. As soon as I see I’m approaching something I want (like, say, an editor wants to see some small changes to a book manuscript), I stop. I don’t realize it until months later, but I know I do it. Or if I manage to reach a goal (such as selling to anthologies I was targeting or getting into a workshop I wanted or winning a grant or fellowship), same thing. I freeze. A couple of years of therapy gave me some insight into why I do this, but I still seem incapable of changing the behavior.

I don’t quit when the going gets tough; I quit when the path is finally clear and easy. I handle rejection like a champ. I can take the most brutal critique and not miss a step. But success, praise, I’m toast.

I even tried your idea of getting a notebook for positive things because that seems brilliant to me. I got the notebook. It’s the perfect size, perfect shape. I carry it in my purse so I can jot things down any time. I bought it in July. Haven’t written a word in it. You mention making Master Class students write down the good things. You made me. I did. Wrote down every word. Now I can’t go near that notebook. It is still sitting in the exact spot I set it when I got home a year ago, despite the fact that I’ve rearranged that office twice. I’m hoping this is just a matter of action lagging behind understanding, but it’s sure getting old.

“you start questioning your own reaction. Are you overreacting? Are you too sensitive? Are you, in fact, being silly?”

Am I?